or Love Just Don't Exist.
I bet you’re surrounded by so many friends and associates who are in love and what appears to be healthy relationships. I bet you click play on those videos that have the caption, “She Said Yes,” and cry because it’s so beautiful and you drift off wondering what would you do. I bet you scroll down social media timelines, time and time again, to see all the #RelationshipGoals and even though you don’t know what their relationship holds, perception is reality, so they look like gold. I bet you listen to slow jams wishing you had someone, so you could hold hands and slow dance.
I bet you that girl is me. I’ve been single for some time now and that doesn’t include wasted situationships or friends with benefits, but those benefits don’t benefit you in the first place. I think I’m getting angry thinking about the shit because you spent countless times getting to know someone and it turns out that they ain’t shit. Bet you wish you would’ve jumped ship, before it crashed.
This is for the girls who think love won’t come or simply don’t exist. Everyone tells you, “wait and be patient, it’ll come to you.” As cliché as it sounds, it’s true. I’ve learned through therapy that the reason it doesn’t work because half us dealing with some hurt that we ain’t get to address yet. We expect somebody else to love us but we ain’t got our shit correct. I bet you over there reading this like, “sis yes, I do”… but sis, if we did … we wouldn’t be dealing niggas that’s only concerned about what that mouth will do.
We’re so fixated with being in love, that when we think we have something going on, we chose to ignore the red flags that flash right before our eyes. We don’t care, because for the moment they fill the void of that emptiness that we’ve been looking to fill with some form of happiness.
There’s a popular social media meme floating around that states “If you not gone marry her let her go! You are holding somebody wife hostage!” and well I don’t agree. Do you think that somebody will let you go if they know they can keep you right where they need you to be? If someone can have their cake and eat it too, then they won’t let you go.
Sis you need to get up, pack your shit and let your own self out the door, and if they can’t show you what you’re worth, go running back through that revolving door. We can’t expect to hold others accountable for our feelings because they are our feelings, and as much as we expect others to respect our shit, lets be honest who gone hold you down like you hold you down?
I think its time we start to enjoy being alone and identify the difference between love and loneliness. Learning to enjoy who we are so when the right one come around you’ll feel it. Start addressing the hurt we ain’t never let go. Can you genuinely answer this?
1. What do you like about yourself? (that’s not a physical aspect)
2. What are you good at?
3. Something that makes you unique?
4. What are you proud of?
5. What’s important to you?
Can you whole hearted answer these questions without taking too long? I know I found myself struggling to get through because I don’t think I’ve ever sat down and asked myself.
In 2018 ladies it’s about getting to love yourself and know who you are. This year we will embrace who we are and learn the ugly truths about ourselves. We’re going to start practicing self-care more often. Whatever that looks like for you... start doing it. We’re going to address our flaws and look at them every day in the mirror until we’ve figured out how to answer to our truths.
This is for girls who think that love will never come or love don’t exist….it does it exist with you.