“You’re like 9-5, I’m the weekend”......
But I don’t want to be the weekend. I’m looking to be your 9-5 and the weekend. More like your 24/7, 365, or 366 in leap years. That’s how long I was hoping to spend with you. Looking to build a forever with you, but there’s but so much I can accomplish in a weekend.
Being in love with someone that doesn’t belong to you has got to be the worst feeling in the world. Yes I know people aren’t property, but you get the whole idea in your head that he/she should be your bf/gf and not whoever they appear to be dating at the time.
This is someone that no matter how far you seem to stray, if they call you somehow find yourself coming back. It’s almost as if they have you tied to a leash and they’ll let you go as far as you can, but when they’re ready for you again they click the button that rolls the leash back up and you’re right back where you’d never thought you’d be. You're now back to being their convenience and somehow hoping that this time around they’d give you a shot at forever.
Your hopes are getting high and the feeling you had when you first met, comes back. You don’t realize that you’re only the weekend because they make you feel like the 9-5… except with a twist. There are rules to this shit; stipulations to the time you spend together because again he/she doesn’t really belong to you.
Being head over heels for someone who only craves you once a year like candied yams at thanksgiving. In this process dating others is so hard because you set this standard that in your heart and mind only they can fulfill. The standards are based off the relationship you thought you had with your part time lover. No one compares to them because the bond was strong. Knowing intimate parts of each other that no one else knew. Not even “new babe”, but then again you’d never let them in. You’re so fixated on the possibility that they’d come back to you again and really make you more than their friend with benefits. Benefits that don’t really benefit you in the long run.
“As long as you’re here by 10:30 no later than, drop them draws give me what I want”
Tangled in their web yet again but you don’t feel bad because,
“My man is my man is your man, heard that’s her man to”.
You believe that they really belong to you and their gf/bf is only borrowing them from you temporarily because what other reason would they keep coming back to you. That had to have some sort of meaning. It has to have meant you had the upper hand right?
“You say you got a girl
And now you want me
How you want me when you got a girl?”
The sad part is you really believed that this means something but it doesn’t. It means that you’re a place of vulnerability for them and when shit doesn’t go right you’re their comfort zone. The issue is comfort zones were not made for growth; they were made for complacency. The comfort zone you both share with each other is a space for complacency because there’s no room for growth there. The seed planted in that hardened soil was not meant to grow pass a sprout. This whole time you kept watering the crops on a land that was dead, praying that this time the earth would open up and bring it new life. Comfort zones are like routines that get old. It becomes predictable.
Just like their predictable routine in them coming back to you but not staying because you’re not meant to be in their forever plan.
“I gotta say I'm in the mood for a little bit more of that
I mean I'm saying what kind of deal is two days?
I need me at least 'bout four of them
More of them, more of you on me
On us, just tell me you want me, yeah
Monday and I'll be at your door
Ready to take her place
Ready to give you
What you've been missin' on weekdays”
It feels good to think you have your old thing back. But its short term until their “long term” gets their act right. See, the belief that you have the upper hand is wrong because see they know you. They know how to slither their way through your poorly patched up heart that never healed properly from the first time they left you damaged. So players roll the dice and make moves. They know exactly what you want and so they know how to give it to you.
You just think you have the upper hand huh? You’re thinking, “I knew you’d come back”. Making jokes, cracking slick as if you’re the one in control. Thinking you’re carrying them but really they’re carrying your ass back to the land of broken promises. They’re in control and it’s just a game to let you think you hold some sort of weight. They have the power because they know you. They know the person you’re talking to isn’t anything serious because anytime they call you run. I mean you’d drop everything for them right?
It’s uncomfortable trying to get over someone who you thought you’d be perfect for; but the beauty of growth is knowing that there’s something greater for you. Don’t allow yourself to be the weekend when you know you deserve more. Don’t allow yourself to get stuck playing a role that’s not meant to be yours. You know the outcome and I know they make you feel good, then again how long do good feelings last before they turn sour as you watch them walk away with someone that ain’t you?
I think so many girls get caught up being the weekend to their part-time lovers. People who they thought was their forever because forever is what it felt like when the time was spent together.
I’m not making excuses for side chicks and “home-wreckers”. It’s just when you love someone that just don’t love you, time feels like forever before you heal. So yes, you watch everything they do… and all the women that come after you are just rebounds. How many rebounds will they have sis? Sometimes the boomerang doesn’t come flying back, and you have to live with that.
You’ll be begging for more, and when they can’t give you that it’ll be another piece of your heart to mend when it all ends.